2010 has not been the best year for me. In fact, of my 41 yrs. I think it has been the hardest and most challenging. It has been harder than accepting the disease Blaise and Madeline were diagnosed w/ in 2007 and it has been more difficult than going through a divorce. I often have said "Thank goodness for my sense of humor" it has gotten me through plenty of stuff. I simply had no choice but to laugh at some of the disbelief of what had just taken place!
I can think of many people that had a lousy 2010 and have had many personal set backs and life changing moments. I have experienced every emotion possible, forgotten who I was, found who I am and learned the value of the people in my life. I have seen the affects of the type of relationship a parent has with their child can impact them. How not communcating can cause problems. Financial stress has been placed upon me for the first time and how logistics sometimes are just that. I have seen so much because I have observed. So much is said when nothing is said at all.
I have really come to understand that distance doesn't seem so far, when the ones you love are carried in your heart. Some of the people I love are no longer with me, some live in different states, some I haven't spoken to in quite sometime, but how I care for them and the impact they have made on me stay's in my heart. This may be because I am older, wiser and distant from those I love the most. Because of that distance I value the people in my life more. I have also learned that some people I thought have desreved it, do not deserve me.
Tonight I went to a funeral. The last funeral I had been to was that of my mother's 15 yrs. ago. I was a young mother of 2 at 26yrs of age. Madeline was only a few months old, Blaise had just turned 4. I have always been an observer. I observed a lot at my mother's funeral. I noticed how many people came to her viewing. There wasn't enough room at her viewing for everyone to fit in the same room at once. People were in the hallway waiting their turn to say farewell and to give us their sympathies. Mom was a beautiful woman with a giving unselfish heart. People knew that, people were atractted to her because she had this caring smile. My mom was an unselfish woman. Her wants never came first. I was lucky to have a mom like her. A good Christian woman that lived a Godly life and believed very much in the power of prayer. I remember then thinking...wow, I hope I have affected peoples lives the way my mothers did.. I hope people will show up and miss me and pay their respects to the life I lived. I realized we need to give our gratitude to people while they are still living. It's an easy thing to do. I have never really understood why people place so much effort into being mean, hurtful, jealous etc. It takes EFFORT and misery of oneself to hurt others. Being nice and generous should be an easy thing to do on a daily basis.We all have our moments...sure I get that. I do, but in all honesty, I don't think my mom ever did. My mom was a very unique woman.
The people that show up to your funeral are reflective of the life you lived. To those people there, somehow you have made an impact on them. Some, it has been years since they've seen the person lying in the casket and sadly a funeral is the last time they will view that person again. It really isn't a contest to see how many people will be at your funeral, it's how you touched that person there while you were alive.
Yes, 2010 - ready to let you go. So much grief has taken place this year. My eyes have opened up a lot to how people are, how the actions of one affect many and how easily the heart can hurt. There of course have been good things that have happened this year and so many blessing, but good lord how I had to go through so much to find them!!! Phew - life's about growing and change...it just really seems that some things I should've already known by age 41.
Dec 31st I will be waiting for the ball to drop, for the clock to switch to midnight and for a better more promising year to arrive!
~ N
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
passing down the sentiments
Tonight after work it was cold enough outside to bring out the gloves as I walked to my car. I reached into my purse (Kate Spade, btw -LOL!!) and pulled out my gloves for the first time this this Season. This is always a sentimental moment for me. I feel the soft leather, slid my hands into the warm lined gloves that used to be my mothers. I notice I always have a bit of a smile on my face as I put them on. Out of all the things I have of my mothers, the gloves are what I cherish the most. The gloves are 52 yrs. old. These were the first pair of nice leather gloves my dad had given my mother shortly after she arrived in the states to live in Chicago after moving from Mexico. My mom was 22 years old whe she got them.
I guess the wonderful feeling I get when I put them on is knowing my moms hands used to fit in them. My mothers hands were a bit bigger than mine, so most of her rings I could not wear, but her gloves, well they fit like a glove.
When I was in High School I would ask to borrow them every once in awhile and each time I would return them back to her when I took them off. Thinking back, I probably didnt trust myself enough to hold on to them. I often 'misplace' things. I have those gloves now. I think it was soon after I graduated HS and was hanging out at my parents house and she was going through some of her things. I saw the gloves and she asked me if I wanted them. I remember not being too excited because I silently had a 'fear' that they were now in *my* possesion and I would have to take as good a care as she had for 22 yrs.
Over the years I had moved around quite a bit and those gloves alway's moved with me, they were even packed in my rubbermaid container along with important documents when we would have to evacuate Fl for Hurricanes.
When I was pregnant with my mothers first granddaughter (Madeline) 15 yrs ago, she gave me some of her jewelry. I have never been that much into jewelry (Lost two wedding band sets in less than 9 yrs!) The jewelry stayed in a a box and I would come across her jewelry every so often. The jewelry was mostly gold, a few fun baubles and an aquamarine ring set in a very beautiful setting. Madeline has ALWAYS had a thing for jewelery. She has looked for that ring in the box SO many times over the years. With each time asking me when she can have it and try to sweet talk me into having it right then. Of course something that precious should not be given to a child until proven she could care for it and let it mean something special. In March Madeline turns 16 yrs. old. I can't get her a car, but I can give her the ring she has been waitng for since she was probably 5 or 6. Her "precious" she calls it.
I hope that when Madeline gets her 'precious' that she gets a smile on her face when she puts her finger in it just as I do when I put on my mothers gloves. My mother is no longer here with us, she passed away 4 months after Madeline was born. But, she knew that one day I would be giving her that ring...and it just so happens to be Madelines birthstone...
I guess the wonderful feeling I get when I put them on is knowing my moms hands used to fit in them. My mothers hands were a bit bigger than mine, so most of her rings I could not wear, but her gloves, well they fit like a glove.
When I was in High School I would ask to borrow them every once in awhile and each time I would return them back to her when I took them off. Thinking back, I probably didnt trust myself enough to hold on to them. I often 'misplace' things. I have those gloves now. I think it was soon after I graduated HS and was hanging out at my parents house and she was going through some of her things. I saw the gloves and she asked me if I wanted them. I remember not being too excited because I silently had a 'fear' that they were now in *my* possesion and I would have to take as good a care as she had for 22 yrs.
Over the years I had moved around quite a bit and those gloves alway's moved with me, they were even packed in my rubbermaid container along with important documents when we would have to evacuate Fl for Hurricanes.
When I was pregnant with my mothers first granddaughter (Madeline) 15 yrs ago, she gave me some of her jewelry. I have never been that much into jewelry (Lost two wedding band sets in less than 9 yrs!) The jewelry stayed in a a box and I would come across her jewelry every so often. The jewelry was mostly gold, a few fun baubles and an aquamarine ring set in a very beautiful setting. Madeline has ALWAYS had a thing for jewelery. She has looked for that ring in the box SO many times over the years. With each time asking me when she can have it and try to sweet talk me into having it right then. Of course something that precious should not be given to a child until proven she could care for it and let it mean something special. In March Madeline turns 16 yrs. old. I can't get her a car, but I can give her the ring she has been waitng for since she was probably 5 or 6. Her "precious" she calls it.
I hope that when Madeline gets her 'precious' that she gets a smile on her face when she puts her finger in it just as I do when I put on my mothers gloves. My mother is no longer here with us, she passed away 4 months after Madeline was born. But, she knew that one day I would be giving her that ring...and it just so happens to be Madelines birthstone...
My mother, Michaela Cortez Guerrero early 20's
Friday, December 3, 2010
one fine mess
Note this is my blogger page name. My life seems to be filled with oxymorons, so I thought it appropriatly funny to call it "one fine mess". Oxymorons have alway's made me chuckle, they are usually coming out of the mouth from someone that wants to be taken seriously and when they happen upon an oxymoron w/ out realizing it...it's even funnier. You can even say my marriage was an oxymoron. The short definition of an oxymoron is, "figure of speech which brings two contradictory terms together". In my case that would be a serious, 'flawless' electrical engineer and a colorful, liberal minded creative person coming together in marriage. THAT my friend is a life contradicting relationship" I call an oxymoron with 'us' being the contradictory term.
You know when you see somebody get hurt, but they did it in a funny way that makes you laugh? Sure, you don't MEAN to laugh, you know they got hurt, but you also can't get the image of how they did it in such a funny way out of your mind. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but we have ALL at some point said to somebody while busting out laughing so hard that your producing tears "I'm sorry" as you help them off the ground , baaaahaaaa -you just can't help but live out the oxymoron.
A few to make you laugh and just a few I often use;
* That's a definate maybe, that we can do that"
* the kid on the news was "found missing"
*"when you meet your teacher I want you to "act naturally"
*"drink responsibly"
*you have "one choice"
* " I am going to be healthy, even if it kills me"
~ please leave me your "objective opinion" -;-)
<3, One fine mess
You know when you see somebody get hurt, but they did it in a funny way that makes you laugh? Sure, you don't MEAN to laugh, you know they got hurt, but you also can't get the image of how they did it in such a funny way out of your mind. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but we have ALL at some point said to somebody while busting out laughing so hard that your producing tears "I'm sorry" as you help them off the ground , baaaahaaaa -you just can't help but live out the oxymoron.
A few to make you laugh and just a few I often use;
* That's a definate maybe, that we can do that"
* the kid on the news was "found missing"
*"when you meet your teacher I want you to "act naturally"
*"drink responsibly"
*you have "one choice"
* " I am going to be healthy, even if it kills me"
~ please leave me your "objective opinion" -;-)
<3, One fine mess
Thursday, December 2, 2010
What to expect when you go to a Mall (from a mall employees view)
Let's see...Men hate it. TWO reasons why men go to the mall 1. their on a mission for a gift (easy to spot -they have a list or have a look of confusion). 2. They are there to update their post divorce/breakup wardrobe...you KNOW I'm right!
Women - Women go for several rsns; 1. their bored w/ their life. 2. their unhappy w/ something so try to purchase happiness -ladies this usually results being more unhappy if your trying on clothes. 3. they are there showing off their Starbucks paper cups to all the mall employees, that crave a Starbucks in a mall that doesnt have one (ok, this is how WE mall employees view it). 4. The latest fashion magazine issues came out, so they must go get that new trend showing up this season...OMG, wait guess what?? You're not the only one - 5. I know I left something out -please add other rsns (yawn -its late)
Mom's - moms go because they HAVE to get out of the house! So putting your child in a constrained stroller seems the best option..wait, what, huh? Now you want to go BACK home, because your child is publicly "fussy" I'm thinking a park or playground might have been the better option -just sayn
Teens - teen girls unattended being dropped off.....Oh, Let me tell you WHAT they do. This is were they have that bad boy you dont like to meet them at, so they can hang out. They say "OMG" and "I love that" , "you're pretty/no you're pretty"..A LOT and tell all their friends when they are trying on clothes how fabulous she looks in it, they flirt with the much older boys working at Hollister and Abercrombie -which, BTW they think your 14 yr old is 17. They shop Victoria's Secret. This I don't really understand -"This usually is where you shop for your undergarments if you want them to be 'seen'. How many times do men walk in there w/ smiles on their faces to make a purchase and merely sprint out the door to deliver the 'gift'?! I dont get it...but, eh this is just a bit of what I see -the good girls are not as exciting to write about -yes, mom and dad they don't ALL do this. But, unless they can drive themselves to the mall -it's not a hang out for your kids all afternoon. Have a mother/daughter day instead and take them shopping with you.
teen boy's - if you want to be surrounded by a plethora of girls, go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon or after school -for reals...girls just loooove to give you guy's a new look :-)...BUT beware of the Abercombie male models in the front window - they love to show their abs, so keep your girl AWAY!!
I cannot close this post w/out warning you that the mall bathrooms are a human petri dish!! Their gross and smelly. Parent's PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER SEND YOUR YOUNG CHILD IN THERE ALONE!!
Women - Women go for several rsns; 1. their bored w/ their life. 2. their unhappy w/ something so try to purchase happiness -ladies this usually results being more unhappy if your trying on clothes. 3. they are there showing off their Starbucks paper cups to all the mall employees, that crave a Starbucks in a mall that doesnt have one (ok, this is how WE mall employees view it). 4. The latest fashion magazine issues came out, so they must go get that new trend showing up this season...OMG, wait guess what?? You're not the only one - 5. I know I left something out -please add other rsns (yawn -its late)
Mom's - moms go because they HAVE to get out of the house! So putting your child in a constrained stroller seems the best option..wait, what, huh? Now you want to go BACK home, because your child is publicly "fussy" I'm thinking a park or playground might have been the better option -just sayn
Teens - teen girls unattended being dropped off.....Oh, Let me tell you WHAT they do. This is were they have that bad boy you dont like to meet them at, so they can hang out. They say "OMG" and "I love that" , "you're pretty/no you're pretty"..A LOT and tell all their friends when they are trying on clothes how fabulous she looks in it, they flirt with the much older boys working at Hollister and Abercrombie -which, BTW they think your 14 yr old is 17. They shop Victoria's Secret. This I don't really understand -"This usually is where you shop for your undergarments if you want them to be 'seen'. How many times do men walk in there w/ smiles on their faces to make a purchase and merely sprint out the door to deliver the 'gift'?! I dont get it...but, eh this is just a bit of what I see -the good girls are not as exciting to write about -yes, mom and dad they don't ALL do this. But, unless they can drive themselves to the mall -it's not a hang out for your kids all afternoon. Have a mother/daughter day instead and take them shopping with you.
teen boy's - if you want to be surrounded by a plethora of girls, go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon or after school -for reals...girls just loooove to give you guy's a new look :-)...BUT beware of the Abercombie male models in the front window - they love to show their abs, so keep your girl AWAY!!
I cannot close this post w/out warning you that the mall bathrooms are a human petri dish!! Their gross and smelly. Parent's PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER SEND YOUR YOUNG CHILD IN THERE ALONE!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)